I wanted to hop on here to reflect on the subject of shame.
I think it is really important as it is so detrimental for us to keep shame in our system over longer periods.
So what is shame? I want to break down how I experience it and see it. Our most natural state is to be open and vulnerable , honest and free in our expression. This is what we can refer to as our inner child. And a child is Exactly this : natural, fragile, open, in learning , expressive, authentic , connected.
As we develop and mature, we will most likely have our first encounter with someone who reacts to our expression / something we did or say in a not accepting / loving way. This will in turn make us to become painfully self aware. This can happen early or later in life and will often determine your level of self awareness. As you might have guessed, a child who in very early development experiences any form of negative attention / abuse/ neglect etc will have to «grow up» faster to try to find ways to navigate the pain and to avoid further critissism /dissaproval. This again leads us to «hide» our truest selves, our most natural expressions and we adapt more into a mold , to what we percieve as socially acceptable behaviour. We become guarded, on the lookout , robotic even. Unfortunatly we learn that to be ourselves is shameful, wrong and even dangerous in some form. We learn that to keep connections we have to follow a certain structure , a behaviour that will make us most acceptable. At the same time we lose ourselves , we loose our magic .
I found that a lot of the adult life is to un- learn most of the mechanism’s and behavioral pattern’s we took on growing up. It is to tend to that hurt little child inside that felt rejected, not loved or good enough. It is to re-learn yourself and to dare to become the authentic , unafraid, self regulating, self soothing , open , vulnerable , heart on your sleeve badass self again. The person you was supposed to be before some other kids, parents , teachers , family took their crayons and painted all over your fresh white canvas. In my own case it was bullying that caused me to become self aware faster than I would have wished for. It was like being brutally ripped out from a Sweet nice cocoon of bliss into a ravine of fear, hate, confusion, anxiety and darkness. My little fragile heart and my poor mushy child brain was not ready for that kind of rude awakening. But it happend and I am the person I am today because of it and not despite of it. Amor fati.
I believe that the souls among us that causes this pain and awakening in us are meant to do just that. They may not be aware of what they do and they may also be very aware. Either way I know for a fact that many of the people that inflicted pain onto me either suffered a mental illness, or deep personal trauma and was unfortunatly not able to behave differently or empathetic. They are on some level unconscious’s of what they do. Then we have people who hurt us unintentionally which teaches us the importance of patience, grace and forgiveness. Which is easier to find in our hearts when we know people are normally empathetic and caring.
I had to choose forgiveness , even for those who was aware of the wrong they did. I dont want to waste my life away holding onto pain, bitterness and sorrow. I forgive so I can be free. Free of shame. I give the shame back where it belongs , in the darkness with the lost souls of this realm. As we step into the light, into full awareness and authenticity , shame can wither away like dust. We can brush it off and know that we are created in HIS image. I say in HIS as a spiritual aspect not in a religious way. We know we are made Perfect in his image( highest intelligence, spirit/ lifeforce /love) so to carry shame would be to believe that the most high made a mistake. I dont believe in mistakes, I believe in intention. Divine intention. We are that, we are whole and divine beings. Shame has no power here.